02 Oct A kiss…
“The kiss is the gateway to bliss and amorous experience. The kiss provokes erotic ardour, agitates the heart, and is an initiation to the natural gift of self.”- Kama Sutra
Kama Sutra dedicates a whole chapter on kissing. Similar to sex, the question, “Do I really need to learn kissing?” may arise. Isn’t it more pleasurable when enjoyed spontaneously and simply experiencing the beauty when two people come together in intimacy?
“Passion knows no rules, nor place, nor time” – Kama Sutra
A beautiful quote from Kama Sutra. In any of the advice ever given to you on sexual activity or eroticism, the best is to connect to your intuition, your heart and the present moment and trust the flow.
However, with so much external input to our minds and less contact with our deeper selves, and if we are not connected to ourselves, it is more challenging attuning to our partner and experience a harmonious flow of intimacy. Partner’s energies may also vibrate at different frequencies. This may be because there hasn’t been enough time to get to know each other, to reach one wavelength or instead that partners have been together for a long time and sexuality has become a routine or challenges have arisen, which haven’t been fully solved…there may be a myriad of reasons. But the fact is that many people don’t always have spontaneous satisfactory sexual experiences…Sex is like life, which can be mutable, therefore learning any skill is giving us an opportunity to do this more skilfully and have a deeper experience.
Therefore, it is good to learn techniques, then adapt, adjust and finally go beyond techniques to find your own way and connect back to your pure passion, with no rules.
When we are not in the heat of passion, it is best not to jump into a fake passion. This is true especially for women as this may scare the body, and building trust may take time for the body to open, for the defences to soften. Instead, approach everything slowly, so the body loses its guard and develops trust.
Kissing is an excellent way to start opening up a woman. Research shows that lesbians are more satisfied sexually and one thing they engage more in is kissing! For women especially, kissing increases their libido and decreases stress levels, allowing them to open up. Kissing allows partners to awaken deeper feelings of trust, love, intimacy and union.
According to Kama Sutra “Just as the sun’s heat makes butter melt, so, when love melts reason, affection is formed. With increasing affection comes consideration. When consideration grows, confidence appears, and when confidence is full, raga develops. When passion reaches its highest level, it is known infatuation.”
Kama Sutra recommends forgetting all rules only when you have reached passion’s full flame. However, to ignite the fire, you need to be gentle before the desire is flaming, with a weak flame, a heavy blow will put out the fire, however, if you blow ever so gently, the fire will pick up and once the flames are strong and the heat is high, you don’t have to worry about the flame diminishing as easily.
Kama Sutra warns men against starting too roughly, as instead of pleasure the woman may develop resistance, fear, doubts and unpleasant sensations against sexuality and men in general. Bear in mind that it is not only a woman’s body that may be gentle but also her mind and emotions. A woman should be treated as a flower, in a way that she wouldn’t close down, but would blossom and shine her enchanting scent. One must attentively understand a woman, to touch her on the right spot at the right time, taking into account each woman’s peculiarities as well as the same woman’s peculiarities at different times. Therefore, the following ways of kissing are recommended to always be adapted according to the partner. Here follow different suggestions for both parties.
- Seizing her head with his hands, he applies his mouth forcefully on hers, but without violence.
- He seeks to insert his lip into her mouth but does not attempt to seize her mouth.
- Holding him loosely, she closes her eyes and covers his eyes with her hands. She then rubs her lover’s lips with her tongue.
- She closes her eyes and, placing her hands over the boy’s eyes, she rubs her lover’s lip with her tongue.
- Being seated behind, catch the head and cheeks and turning them toward one, sucking the lips.
- Pressing the lips very closely, bringing the fingertips together and pressing the cheeks.
- While the woman is sucking the lower lip of the boy, the latter seizes her upper lip with his lips.
- Both lips are seized between the teeth and are sucked.
- Seated or lying next to each other, kissing or nibbling the thighs, chest, armpits, pubis, neither too hard nor too soft.
- Seizing the breasts, cheeks, buttocks, navel and pressing and kneading them.
- Tickling and kissing lightly below the breasts and the armpits.
- Lightly touching the eyes, neck, breasts, buttocks, and back.
- At nighttime, during entertainment or family meetings, he approaches her intentionally, he kisses her hands or fingers. The man rests his head on her thigh and kisses it, arousing in her the desire for amorous games.
- Kissing with the teeth is an art that must be practised gently, and is particularly efficacious when the tips of the breasts and the buttocks are nibbled.
Bonus for him:
- Raise her head gently from the chin, look into her eyes, and kiss her.
According to Kama Sutra, a sexual relationship without preliminaries is incomplete.
“Desire, affection, love, create a lasting state of mind, through which the partners stimulated by caresses and kisses, abandon themselves wholeheartedly to the act of love.” – Kama Sutra
In Taoism kissing is considered of utmost importance also during lovemaking, not just for preliminaries. For our sexual energy and libido to be continuously awake and alive, it’s important to keep sexual energy flowing within the body. When partners kiss most of the time during lovemaking, then this supports the circulation of energy between partners and maintaining sexual energy, which allows sexual energy to blossom after the intercourse and keep the passion between partners.
The importance of kissing during lovemaking is also brought out in the ancient Arabic sex manual “Perfumed Garden” with the following recommendation, “Without kissing, no kind of position or movement procures the fullest pleasure; and those positions in which the kiss is not practicable are not entirely satisfactory, considering that the kiss is one of the most powerful stimulants to the work of love.”
Kama Sutra concludes, that sexuality in human relations is special precisely because we can communicate with each other what is sexually pleasing to us. Giving ourselves to our partner, gifting and surrendering our self, we can experience the deepest receiving. The borders between giving and receiving dissolve. Giving becomes receiving and receiving giving. Instead of simply going after the pleasure of senses, we thus create a much deeper experience, where we meet the partner in unity instead of duality.
“Happiness both given and received is mutual enjoyment. For this shared happiness and pleasure, a man is willing to give himself entirely. “- Kama Sutra