Owning Your Orgasm

“If you cannot face directly into your sexuality,

You will never discover your true spirituality.

Your earthly spirit leads to discovering your Heavenly spirit.

Look at what created you to discover what will

immortalize you.”

-White Tigress Manual

Often, sexual teachings are regarded as the highest in the most known spiritual teachings. Traditionally, sexual teachings were taught only when the student was already very, very advanced in their personal individual spiritual practice and only then the secrets of sexual energy would be revealed. Therefore, for most people, sexual teachings were not available, as they didn’t dive into spiritual learning or were not perceived to have reached deep enough in their personal practice and were never able to reach secret sexual wisdom. Because of this, we are left with the impression that spiritual traditions are mainly ascetic and repress sexuality. In reality, it’s easier to repress sexuality than to teach the nuances of sexual energy and its refined handling in such a way that it would support human development. Some Eastern wisdom teachings would claim, that enlightenment lies in the female genitals.

On the one hand, today’s sexual culture entails much more sexual freedom. However, there remains a lot of negativity around sexuality, as if it were the original sin or something dirty. When we give a negative judgement to our sexuality, we separate ourselves from this wonderful source of power, which gave us life. Therefore, sexuality as such should be honoured and teachings on how to handle this energy, so it would balance us and bring us into harmony, should be shared without shame.

Many adults who are starting to explore or learn about the depths of sexuality wonder why this wasn’t taught in school. Introducing this topic to the youth, there has been the exact same feedback, why isn’t it taught when learning about sexuality is actually very valued?

I have been brining holistic sexual teachings to schools for many years now, here is some of the feedback from students:

“Surely, the topic of sexuality was also very necessary, which should actually be talked about in school. I learned that a lot of things that women think are perfectly okay, even though they find it extremely uncomfortable, are actually not normal at all and are simply instilled in us by society to accept. Thanks to this new knowledge, I have started to value myself much more as a woman.”

“Thursday benefited me the most because on that day I got the most new knowledge and many good ideas on how to love myself more and how to be kinder to myself. That day I learned things that we are not taught in school (although I think we should) and because of so much new knowledge, I was able to create a sense of peace in myself that I am completely normal and there is nothing wrong with me. The idea that there was something wrong with me came from not knowing about my body. In addition, this day was also very useful for my relationship with my partner.”

“And my favourite day – Thursday. The topic was sexuality, which we are not usually told about in school. I learned a lot and even got rid of some of my insecurities. I am so grateful that this topic came up in the yoga course. I am extremely grateful to you!  Thank you thank you thank you!”

“I liked Thursday just because of the topic. I got smarter about this. Practice was also nice on Thursday. After the class, it was good to be and somehow I felt much more beautiful and started to appreciate/love myself more.”

“I think I gained the most life knowledge on Thursday – there were many things I had never even heard of before and it’s good that I learned them at that age. Thursday also affected my self-esteem a lot – it was very nice to hear compliments from other girls, because usually girls don’t compliment each other.”

“Thursday was certainly the most interesting and awaited day for me. I still don’t understand why there is no teaching about sexuality and everything related to it in the education system, even though it is such an important topic. That’s why I was very happy that we touched on this topic in this course. I really liked that it was explained how yoga and sexuality are related, because otherwise many people might have wondered why we discuss it in the yoga course. Really liked the practices we did in these classes. I really liked the idea of treating your body like your girlfriend. He must be pampered and not be unfair to him. Indeed, being a girl, we all have some beauty standards and at some moments we definitely feel that there is something wrong with us or that there is something that could be more beautiful. During this course, I realized that I should be grateful for my body and myself, and I am exactly perfect for myself. There is no point in comparing yourself to others, because we are all different. And it would indeed be very boring if we were all the same and as beautiful as the beauty ideals prescribe.”

“I’ve never had the opportunity to chat or hear someone talk about sexuality so openly and it was very refreshing and I definitely learned some tips for the future. The positive words said by others really touched my heart and I still think about them.”

“I definitely take with me from the lecture, where we were taught about sex, female orgasm and everything related to that, because it’s usually a topic that is avoided, especially female sexuality, and therefore most of the information was new. I’m really grateful that I got so much knowledge about this and I learned a lot of new things, which helped me to learn more about my body and hopefully get new experiences. I would like to learn more about these topics in the future, as the teacher was so open and direct, and it was also helpful that she shared her own personal experiences in this field.”

Trial and error vs. conscious enjoyment

It is, of course possible, that through trial and error, people reach deep and satisfactory sexual experiences spontaneously. But from my personal experiences and simply observing the society, it is obvious, that these people are rather in the minority. Many people, for example, are not aware, that orgasm and ejaculation (for men and women) are physically two different functions in the body, and it’s possible to experience them separately. Many men don’t realize that the phosphorus and lecithin found in sperm are essential nutrients necessary for the brain and there are many doctors and scientists who have suggested correlations, that excessive ejaculation may have a strong negative impact on brain capacity and functioning. Many women aren’t aware that besides a clitoral orgasm, it is possible for every woman to experience deeper orgasms in endless variations and qualities. Even scientific research, which are focusing on female orgasms, has mainly focused on the discussion on vaginal and clitoral orgasms, whether one is better than the other and similar discussions about direct genital stimulation and orgasmic response.

I recently met a scientist who has been studying female orgasm and sexuality for the past 26 years. We discussed thoroughly female orgasms and in a large extent we agreed on many topics and issues. Still, it was surprising to find out that science still puts the main emphasis on female genital stimulation and its importance in achieving orgasms. The direction is from bottom upwards, that is science looks at how genital stimulation impacts hormonal changes in the blood, pelvic floor contractions and brain activity. At the same time, much less emphasis has been put on how our mind is affecting or can induce orgasms. It is definitely recognized that psychological factors have an impact, but the main focus is still on physical stimulation.

The world of female orgasm is as infinite universe

I’m not a scientist yet, nor a guru. I’m an ordinary woman. Woman, who has done a lot of human experiments on myself, to discover and explore sexual energy within, how to connect to it, how to awaken it, direct it and today reached experiences, which I never could even dream of. At the same time, I feel the world of female orgasm is like an infinite universe, where there are endless possibilities for discoveries. What I am convinced of is the importance of this topic in its impact on a woman’s emotional stability, harmonious mentality and physical health. It is not a topic to be discarded or put on the side of one’s life. Sexual energy gives us life, and therefore it impacts directly all aspects of our lives.

If a woman isn’t sexually satisfied, then we cannot speak about a happy woman, whose emotions are in balance, whose mind is at peace and whose body is at its optimal health. A dissatisfied woman will radiate tension and dissatisfaction outside herself.

When I used to be exactly that dissatisfied woman, I received some advice, “You need a good man and you need to relax.” In itself, it’s very good advice, but the potential danger with human nature is that we give the responsibility for our well-being to our partner or in the worst case we fall into blaming the partner. A suitable and supportive partner can definitely play a hugely important part in a woman’s sexual experience, but still, every woman can and could take responsibility for her sexual satisfaction. The scientist I met, also shared that statistically most men take responsibility for their pleasure and orgasms, regardless of the partner, whereas most women give the responsibility for their satisfaction to the man.  Therefore, a woman could pay much more attention to the second part of that advice, “You need to relax.”

Relaxing is something that is not exactly placed on the top priority in modern society. This does not give you success. But actually relaxing is the key, which ensures female sexual satisfaction and from there, emotional, mental and physical well-being. A relaxed and sexually satisfied woman can offer much more to her family, her work, the world and of course to herself. Therefore, as women, it is important for us to take responsibility for our own sexual satisfaction. This is something that can be learned, like any other skill in this world, if we were to devote attention to it.